At Least It Wasn't An Anal Probe

Somebody has apparently removed my brain from my cranium, wrapped it in several layers of bubble wrap, and smashed it back into my skull. I know this because for the past week, my emotions have been suspiciously dulled, and I have had the mother of all headaches.

Some asshat at work laughed that it's probably a tumor and I'm going to die soon, but I turned to our governator for words of reassurance. "It's naht a tooomuh."

My doctor says it's stress, and that my body is just shutting down because otherwise I'll have a heart attack and die. But that's just so freakin' boring. I have a hard time believing that it would be something so...pedestrian.

I prefer to think that this is a product of an alien abduction and that I'm the subject of a bizarre experiment.

MEMO TO ALIENS CONDUCTING EXPERIMENT (translator microbes - do your thing, here)

If you remove the brain of a human being, wrap it in bubble wrap and then jam it back into the cranium, not only will the subject not "think bubbly thoughts," but they will very likely be less productive, less interesting and very cranky because now they have a screeching headache AND bad hair.

ad experiment! No biscuit! Bad! Bad!