Out of Synch With the Earth

Don't you hate it when the earth is rotating at a slightly different speed than it was yesterday, or an hour ago, or a second ago? And you're so keyed up and tense and wired that you can immediately feel it? That's how I'm feeling this very second. Which is weird, because, as our idea of "time" is really keyed to the speed of the rotation of the earth on its own axis and its rotation around the sun, if it's not going at a constant rate of speed, this would explain many things in my life.

Like why my concept of "now" seems to differ from other people's.

Like why time spent on a motorcycle (when less of you is in contact with said inconsistent earth) seems to pass differently than time spent in a car. Or a house. Or on a unicycle.

Like why there's always one guy dancing who just can't seem to figure out when the next beat is going to come, and so consistently gets it wrong and just ends up looking like an epileptic on fire.

Like why the thing that you waited sixteen kalpas* for is over in a nanosecond.

Like why things that feel good are short-lived, while things that hurt are painful for a long time.

Like why it takes "longer" to eat a plate of Brussels sprouts than a piece of pie.

Like why the time between the painful question and the inevitable answer is simultaneously too long and too short.

So...if everyone in India would please, turn toward the East and run very hard for 6 minutes, I think that will correct things, providing just enough braking to fix it.

Thank you.

*A "kalpa" is a measurement of time. One of the Brahmanic eons, a period of 4,320,000,000 years.